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PAIRING: Lavender / Seamus.
OTHER charas: Neville Longbottom.
TWENTY FIVE : Oneshot 4 / 25
GENRE: Drama
WARNINGS: Suicide, Sad End, Dead Chara
Abgehakt : 3,500 words +, ° ° Arcadia
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ON KLEE embedded .
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The so may not be quite right, Seamus thinks slowly and shall immediately thereafter yet another deep swig from the bottle. Actually, it does not really matter that he gets drunk sinnungslos here before noon in a field of deep green clover. Maybe he even kicked the bucket of alcohol poisoning, today, here, next to her. Then they would lie together for eternity in heaven, they who have stained the crimson clover, and he, who had their world is not enough given other color in order to prevent them.
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For Seamus has been since early childhood, finds that the date on which he enters for the first time over the threshold Hogwarts', would be those on which all his wishes in Erfü ; go filling. Magic left . If I can spell, he thought, I'm grown up and no one can give me more harm something.
Now Seamus seventeen and under the laws of the magical world has actually grown.
and no one can give me more what . Harm
As Amycus Carrows fist hits him, Seamus warps the busted lip into a smile.
The spanking is only so long was bad and really painful, until he has for the first time the hard way to learn how to under ten seconds the Cruciatus that feel like ten years and more distorted, for his own death and would rather hand out cracks the heart, and only one split second longer subjected to this torment be. Compared to that, every beat of a human fist nothing but a joke.
At the end of the day Seamus sitting in the Gryffindor common room and laugh at this joke.
time again.
He is a magician, and he loves magic, and he can not imagine being not a magician. But he is also a half-blood, and he loves the non-magical, and he can not imagine how a Muggle less should be as a magician. Can just conjure up some and not others, the difference is actually not really greater than that between humans blond and brunette men.
Finding Seamus.
The Carrows, Snape, all the unnamable Todesserpack and it may times.
His mother, pure-blood witch, and his father, Muggles are in any case more similar than Both want to admit. Both constantly brood about what the other (the neighbor, the baker, the postman) think of them like both convinced it must be right what the others (the Church , say the tabloids, the parents). Seamus has reddish-blond hair and freckles, his mother, the blue eyes of his father, and he had long the bad qualities of both. Many of them he still deny he can not.
But he said two has passed.
He tried. As best he can given.
"Seamus?" Lavender is standing next to his chair and looks down a little afraid of him. She looks anything but fresh and healthy, yet does little in the Schloss, but their injuries in comparison with those of many other (the bruises, contusions, the unwell feeling of Cruciatus has torn bodies in your head) - In compared with Seamus' , not to speak of. But Seamus would probably also not a single mass of blue and green and purple bruises, were it not for Neville Longbottom.
Neville, but is still a little goofy, but now as the hero stumbles over his own feet when their hero, who is tangible, at the their site is, to them these days is much more support than Harry Potter, which they claim although all, they believe firmly that he is still alive and that he will triumph in the end, they accuse but secretly because he somewhere, just not with them, is not fighting with them because he is not there to give them courage and hope and trust and faith. But Neville is here, when he speaks, they listen to him, and they think about his words, and they continue to believe in themselves, like you, who you are, what you feel, and thus they gain strength, because they see them sit on it easy times for the ineffable, not just because someone says this is the right thing because they see they do it out of conviction, because they see they have quite FÜ , r themselves decided to do it.
Seamus has been silent in the first lesson Muggle Studies, as the column solidified by what Alecto Carrow said about Muggles and scum and parasites. But Neville was shaking with rage, not fear, and suddenly he jumped from his chair, and has said things, yelling things, the Carrow directly in the face, and when she saw him with a magic wand swinging to the nÄ Next wall smashed and heavy books has made massive full throw at him, he continued to talk, broken and sick ideals of equality and thoughts. Seamus has looked to Neville, as he lay on the floor and things said while he could not simultaneously defend himself against the heavy books that impacted by themselves again and again to him, and when they are in the next week had to get into the same classrooms, "said Seamus things like that, because he said so because he felt, and Susan Bones' voice rang out, then Anthony Goldstein, and the next day in class of Amycus Carrow there were more votes.
Sometimes on Seamus wakes in the night and sees the only bed that is used in addition to his own this year. It is his much closer than before the summer holidays, because Neville is after all just still Neville, and he was the night of the 1st September restless and anxious and has his own bed without magic pushed through the dormitory to hear Seamus breathe and listen to these noises, so he knows: There's still someone , Seamus is there, and Seamus is not afraid of too much before to sleep here, so you can, too . If Seamus Neville looks on such nights, he sometimes thinks to himself, Neville was a girl, or had he even a girl, he would crush up to our ears in Neville . He can say Neville impossible, because Neville would start rumstammeln and red, and then it would be Seamus too embarrassing. Dean would have to laugh about it and raise it Seamus, but he could understand it at the same time, and probably they would fight it in jest about who may ask of them Neville, whether on Hogsmeadewochenende together next to the village and is quietschverliebt with too much heart-shaped cookies and thick pink icing spoils the stomach.
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Yes, Dean, he should notify Dean, Seamus, it shoots through the alkoholvernebelten head. Dean is his best friend. Dean is always there for him. Dean determined knows what Seamus must do now. But when he goes to Dean to Dean helps him, he must first get up again, and walk away from that field of clover. You can not, he-
He can not.
Then they were alone, and when she is alone, it is remarkable it is different, it is not really her, and if they do not really she is, she does things they do things, like the color scarlet clover.
No, think Seamus, that's not true, she has not told him, so he has only presented the time because he could only be understood as their words and have him scared. When she is alone, since only they have, all them, they everywhere, and they can not bear to be herself because she hates who she is because she hates what she feels.
Whatever it is, Seamus, it may not be alone, not now, and he takes the next deep swig from the bottle. He regards them as long as it lies next to him on his back, his eyes wide open just a crack, the view among them is empty, and he thinks of her lips that have tasted blood, as he kissed her for the first time has, thinks of her skin, has added Fenrir Greyback scars, and he thinks of the tremor in her voice as she has said in his arms the first time that she is seeking redemption, and after Peace, and he only replied that Harry Potter would overthrow the ineffable, he would certainly, because he had not understood what she meant.
And he thinks of how the magical world celebrated the end of the war and they again said the same words.
to themselves, their mirror image. As she believed to be alone.
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"Why did you just laughed so strange?" Lavender asked suspiciously in order to further on the back of his chair. "Sound pretty crazy. Have you already Carrows ausgeprügelt mind? "
" Hey, you're here "with a bang, he replies and says it like that, but something in Lavender's face is changing, is foreign, older, and what it is, the change makes Seamus suddenly sad and awkward, and he begins to be ashamed of himself that he so thinks of her and her face says.
was not serious, but know that I can you very well, he should add quickly, although that would be something he is not mean it. Lavender has always been loud, shrill, hysterical, embarrassing, and now she's one of those who open their mouths in class never look away when someone beaten or tortured with the Cruciatus will nod, and or Yes, Professor say if the Carrows always the same hate speech against Muggles and Muggle-born to spit in the room. Lavender is weak and cowardly and wrong, and sometimes, Seamus asks if she's anything like this and it might really mean it when she says Yes, Professor .
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Seamus trouble with the cap screwed onto the bottle, can then easily back to the backpack, to lie next to her. He turns his face to the side, now with forehead touching her forehead feels like its open to tickle her head around on the clover spreading out golden hair of his neck. I'm sorry to say he wants, but his tongue is heavy, and even the breathing is exhausting. He is sorry that he so rarely understood and often has things accepted and conclusions drawn that were wrong. He is sorry that he has done what she will not.
love you.
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Seamus rises from his chair, groaning here, because it the right half of his ribs hurts so much, and wants to push past just to Lavender and throw himself on his bed. He thinks that he is actually fucking care if he hurt her feelings because, with each Yes, Professor doing the same thing with his, and he drags himself up the stairs, the railing must be a case hold it and would prefer turn around to yell behind Lavender You are mistaken, misleading, deceptive! Disturbed, insane piece of trash!
At night he can not sleep, for the anger bubbling in his stomach, infects his thoughts, and more and more memories come to mind him, as if she fists that beat to the inside of his skull. He sees eyes, Lavenders eyes how they (blue and size and the same as ever, yet different) look into the void, only briefly, for a few more seconds is not, and no one looks back, and very quickly the eyes are back as usual, and Lavender babbles and giggles and points the finger at people, and not fall asleep now, in this night of Seamus from sheer rage Lavender can, he tries to imagine how many times have these eyes have been different and have looked into the void without him or anyone else has noticed. He is at once certain that those eyes changed regularly look into the void, and that they only do it when nobody is looking, or if Lavender believes no one sees it through.
And he wants to scream You are mistaken, you are sick in the head! , according in the dormitory in, in which only the sleeping Neville and he is, and this urge him frightened, and the shock follows emptiness, the anger is gone.
Seamus crying. Not
not quiet, tranquil. Unrestrained.
He gets beaten and not crying. One applies the Cruciatus to him and when it's over, he wipes his face and not cry. He's scared and he does not cry and he is homesick and he does not cry and he is exhausted and tired and everything hurts him - and he weeps . Not because he is so would be ashamed, since this is no longer school year, probably never again. It's not easy. He does not come the tears, and force it makes no sense.
But now crying, no crying he, and he sobs and whimpers, the Kloss in his neck is so great that he may choke on it, and he can not stop, can easily not, and even when he hears that Neville has woken up and talk to him, he continued to howl. Seamus wants out of his bed, covered it, it creates almost no return on its feet, beats his fists on the walls of one, sweeping his school books from the desk, it has to do it, break inkwells, the floor is colored black and white feathers from the pillows float towards them. Then she raged for two, and that Neville as he rages and destroys and throws things around, Seamus can only cry even harder, because Neville was always so peaceful and reserved and would never on the heart brought to shred an herbal encyclopedia, just like that, without real reason.
Seamus did not really notice how suddenly the guys from the vintage of them are in their dormitory, and they do not ask, do not be surprised, and they join in, and then the Fünftklässer are there, then the Viertklässer, and girls are It's getting louder, closer and closer in space, and almost all Tränenrinnsale run across the face.
"See?" He shouted as someone against the noise directly into your ear, and it falls on Seamus only because he recognizes the voice, and only because Lavenders it is guilt, crying, and now that Seamus should cry all here need, he stops and looks at her. "You all have a blast. We are all crazy and crazier. "
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For Seamus is the seventh year at Hogwarts was the worst time of his life, but ended the year and it was better. For them, every time only the worst, and she never misses entirely, because it always comes back because there will always be seconds, minutes and hours during which no one is there to protect them from being with him to be alone. And because, like everyone sometimes alone, she constantly fears before the next time, and they can never quite feel comfortable, is never fully resolved and there is no upside, just a straight with holes in the ground, she sees that they can escape but never won.
Seamus slides closer to her, holding her hand tightly, they almost crushed, and although he knows there's no point will not change, skills depends on it, to plead dumb, they will come back someone should bring him back, and as so often, he weeps for them, and as always the worst time for him since he is crying because of her.
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"You have nothing to do here!", Seamus spat in her face. "You probably do not care what tomorrow is, if Harry comes back, or if you already know who can see the whole damn world go by and rips apart!"
"How do you- Why should-"Lavender backs off a step and in her eyes he can see only disappointment. "I do not care what will become of you."
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But you have stained the crimson clover, Seamus thinks, so do not care what will become of me.
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What made you is .
Not us from what is .
Seamus Lavender can only turn back.
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I'm not worth listening Seamus say it in his memoirs, find something else, let go before it happens.
What will happen? Before what happened?
Before you break even. Before I break it up.
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None of them falls asleep that night. You have cried, and now they all sit in a dorm with 7.klässler, on the floor, on tables, on the beds in the middle of this mess they have created together, and they are laughing, joking, and before Outside, the sun rises, Dumbledore's Army is back.
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"Now explanatory enough," groans Seamus, Lavender as he tears up the stairs and supports and carries, while hardly can carry its own weight. He wants to hear them respond, not only because he really know want to have really explained by it, but also because it is beaten so badly that he is getting hysterical and can not stop thinking if she dies now-
He probably respond to, because the Carrows have not yet violated the student so badly that he died. On the other hand, often not much missing. Lavender and was, as it is before the last summer holidays have always been, in everything she does, loud and shrill and annoying to be ignored. Seamus has presented numerous times over the years, simply Lavender to throw out a window in the Gryffindor tower. Even without that it's gone off with screaming at him, he broke the wand and scratched his face with his fingernails added.
"Lavender. Say something at last. "
If she dies now-
" For a few days I've "really hated, he gasps and hopes that they finally replied with you or me I hate your freckles No matter it is to simply react, so he stops to think if she dies now -
"And I hate your stupid giggle. And Ron has anywhere Rumer one, you could have it nearly bitten off his tongue. "Seamus drags them both up to the next level and almost loses his balance. He is dizzy, he needs a break, only a minute or two, then he goes on, and finally brings Lavender in the infirmary.
If she dies now-
No, there is no time for breaks.
the next level.
paragraph.
He could leave here, to the infirmary run and return with Madam Pomfrey, or get someone else and can help to wear Lavender. But-
- if she dies now -
, they would be alone, and Seamus not want to die alone To leave especially after today.
you're heavy like a troll. Have you grown? "He says, everything he remembered no more, lest it loud and shrill and annoying to be ignored, replies containing the face, Seamus, you're just no strength in his arms .
"magic"
When he hears that one word from her mouth, incredibly soft, formed little more than air, he is so relieved that he again must weep. "Magic? What a magic? Come on, red on. "
"-stab. "
" magic wand? The clean you have broken apart in the middle, with the Carrow can not use more unforgivable. "Seamus feels like much more, and the steps are simple, and the road does not seem to be endless be. "What has made a face! had by all from the class to you such a number at least trusted to bet. "
» Full ... Full ... idiot. "
" It's true. Neville or Michael or myself would have the range can be determined, not without suspicion as close to himself. "
Lavender groans, and Seamus feels vague, as it drilled her fingers into his forearm. »Win ... Levi ..."
first Seamus now understands that Lavender feels for his wrist, where you will find the sleeve of his wand. Wingardium Leviosa . Now he understood why half the class held up the wand and looked at him with forceful expression has, as the Carrow shooed him out of the classrooms, so he brings Lavender in the infirmary. shit shit, -
"Shit," Seamus pulls his wand out of his sleeve roughly under the cloak school, and because he has released a short while Lavender with one arm, she slips now and threatens to tip over, but before they really tilts, Seamus the wand has already addressed it and talked to the words. Lavender floats in the vertical, inclined a little backwards, their feet takes about one meter above the ground, and Seamus her hand and she can think in practical hear such a complete idiot .
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"Pretty stupid," says Ginny, look at the sleeping Lavender down and shakes his head. As Seamus has arrived with the floating Lavender by the hand in the hospital, Ginny wanted to complete just one arm Glass vials left. She put her head on the neck, and snapped horrified to air before they took Lavenders other hand and then is still. "Pretty Lavender. Ron can be happy that she has not even scratched his face, as the conclusion was. "
" Mr. Finnigan, "Madam Pomfrey says urgent and nervously rubbing his elbow.
"I would stay with her, Ginny has in him, and her voice has an urgent tone. "My last Hour for today's all. "
" No. I'll stay. "
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I stay, Seamus thinks, I'll stay here where you are.
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In the Great Hall are all sitting at dinner, Seamus sitting in the hospital bed at Lavender, and Parvati is sitting asleep on the chair beside him. Lavender's eyes are open, she stares up at the ceiling and has not said a word. Seamus is the silence uncomfortable, and he breaks his head about what words he should break it, but he just do not think of any that would fit.
"I have not increased," she says sounds like an eternity later, and insulted it. "You're really an ass."
"Shall I go?"
"I no matter. "
Seamus gets up and sits on the edge of her bed. "You have almost an hour long raufgeglotzt the ceiling."
"And?"
» I was not sure if in your head yet done correctly. "
"Do you think it is anyway not the case."
"I'm sorry."
Lavender rolls her eyes. "Parvati is asleep and I did not wake her. At night they passed only from one side to the other. "Lavender sits up in bed, grimaced in pain at the face, replied Seamus' view then defiant chin jutting. "Then I got bored, and I thought fuck it, we are here in the hospital when she wakes up by our votes, we just walking a few strong potions and dreamless sleep with. It really is no matter, we speak, she sleeps, everything okay. "
" Why did you do that? "
"What did?"
Now it's Seamus, who must roll their eyes. "This stopped one of the obedient, predictable sheep of the Carrows to be."
Lavenders response consists of a half hour in full quickly spoken, passionate, and then thoughtful words and then resigned, she says, that would burn and bleed to death, she could be something different, do something better, but that she had been afraid that she thought would understand Parvati and Seamus, and all that it takes time and it does not matter, and they still must find the courage to dare, and when it ends, is to Seamus, it does not look at and says nothing, turns around and leaves.
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Always her and for you and your said am struggling drops to Seamus, shortly before he falls asleep.
Not we and for us and our .
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not afraid of the pain or the consequences. Scared because you do it for your friends, your family, but always for you, too. Fear, because you want to survive and I do not care if tomorrow I still breathe.
Seamus's almost as if she had just really opened my mouth and said these words. It is the alcohol, believe he, so he formed her voice, that's why it sounds so real. But it is not for him, she only said that she is afraid. And now he sees her and is angry at himself because he understands the moment in which it is for him to become a different people, a man whom he has loved little later, honest, only one of which is, in which he misunderstood, and has accepted things and conclusions drawn by mistake.
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The sky turns red, and already the effects of fire whiskey has diminished, and they are still in the field of clover, which she has dyed scarlet.
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Seamus falls asleep next to her, feeling the cold does not keep her hand, dreams.
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"You just had enough love," his mother told him whenever he does not want Dean to go again on my nerves and it's why you Erza , hlt, and Seamus believe, because somehow, somewhere he is still, or again, the child who starts every sentence with My Mum said -
He loves her more than anything else, even if it is still loud and shrill and annoying to ignore, and because he loves her can he save her, protect her from the demons that are beyond his horizon. He can, he must, he will .
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"The clover is beautiful," said Lavender, and Seamus thinks this is fucking times the best clover that ever flourished, for it is both their clover, the clover, the house behind them both a long, deep green Carpet is, and he thinks the area is beautiful, Ireland is beautiful, the sky over our head is beautiful, here is color, this is life, here's deliverance and peace.
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"The Sorting Hat has really screwed up when he called me to Gryffindor," said Lavender, Seamus and rumbling just because it's night and they lie in bed and he is about to fall asleep.
And because he does not know that these are Lavenders last words that he will wake up tomorrow morning and find she is no longer next to him that he look for them and were found dead in field found in clover is that she has dyed scarlet with blood.
"He said, I try to want to try to want to live, even though everything is so cold and empty feel, although I do not see for what and whether it will be worth it at all worth know if that's even possible. He said, I fight, and he said that I would not do that, I would not be brave. But he was wrong. I can not. I wanted to, but I can not. "
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Seamus sees in every room of their house to, even on the attic, and then he just has this feeling. So he takes the fire whiskey bottle from the cabinet, which he brings out otherwise only If Dean is here. He fills a glass with it and emptied it, and he leaves the house through the back door without closing the bottle. He already looks from the door are out there and when he goes to her, his steps without haste, without haste, and he sits down next to her, and he takes another sip, and then another.
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Seamus dreams. Feelings, no pictures. Being alone, alone with himself. Redemption. Peace.
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Seamus wakes up and before he carries her into the house and does what needs to be done has he seen her face again, and he believes he sees that it has ceased to hate what it is and how she feels, and is redeemed, and that it finally is at peace with itself, and that this is the peace that no one but themselves, and he does not, you had to give.
But now she's gone and he's here and he wished-
He wished-
He wished.
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END .
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